


Intimacy

by Tecc



Series: The Mirror Lied [4]
Category: Free!
Genre: Asexual Character, Awkward Conversations, Awkward First Times, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, F/M, Trans Character, so awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 13:10:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tecc/pseuds/Tecc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto wasn't the one freaking out the first time they had sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Intimacy

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the sex is as horrible and awkward for the readers as is is for the characters and was for me while writing it in the middle of my Asian history class.

Makoto had been on hormones just long enough for her curves to start filling in and skin to smooth out. She was on sort of a high, honestly, and decided she felt comfortable enough now to broach the subject of sex with Haruka. They had been together just under two years now—though Haruka would claim longer—and it was something Makoto’s friends sometimes asked her about. 

“How is Haruka in bed? I bet he’s wild. Always the quiet ones.”

“What’s sex like now that you’re transitioning?” 

“You don’t have sex? What, can he not get it up?” 

Things like that. 

Truth be told, it had never come up between them. Makoto hadn’t been comfortable enough with her body and Haruka wasn’t one to push. Their relationship had been fine without it anyway. Honestly, it had never occurred to Makoto something was strange. It felt like they were at a point where they could probably do it now, though, and it wasn't like she was opposed to it. It was a level of intimacy they hadn’t yet shared and Makoto did find Haruka pretty much really attractive so why not?

When Makoto asked if they could try having sex Haruka looked at her for a long time, mouth pressed into a thin line, and said, “If you’re sure.”

Makoto’s brow crinkled, “Of course.” She smiled. Why would she ask if she wasn’t?

The air between them felt awkward and a little uncomfortable as they both undressed, backs turned to each other. Makoto wasn’t too sure about the mood, but assumed it was only natural since it was their first time. They had seen one another naked before, but never quite like this. 

A little thrill shot down Makoto’s spine when Haruka climbed over her body and just stared down at her despite her nervousness. He looked apprehensive and asked again, “Are you sure?”

Flushed, Makoto ran her eyes down the length of his body, hovering just inches above hers, and said, “I’m sure.” She inhaled slightly, hips shifting, as she watched Haruka’s cock sway placid between his legs. Yes, she was definitely sure. 

“Ok,” He said, lips drawn into a thin line again, “Ok.”

Haruka leaned down and pressed a kiss to Makoto’s mouth. His lips trailed from Makoto’s mouth to her cheek, ear, and down her neck. Hands slid up Makoto’s sides until they reached her budding breasts and she shivered. They were only just starting the beginning stages of forming and felt oversensitive in a way they had never felt before. Makoto gripped Haruka’s forearms tightly. 

Haruka pulled away from where he had buried himself into Makoto’s neck to look down at his hands. An uneven breath left his mouth. He was blushing hard, eyebrows drawn together, as he pressed a clumsy palm down harder. Makoto tried not to squeal as his fingers rolled slowly over her nipple. She pulled his head down for another tightlipped kiss, holding him close and breathing him in. Picking up on her mood, he ran over them again and tried pinching one. Makoto inhaled sharply and pulled away from Haruka’s lips to bite his shoulder hard and then bury her face into his neck. Haruka stiffened a moment then continued his pinching and squeezing. 

Makoto rolled her hips up into the air between them and moaned, moving a hand to grip Haruka’s abdomen. Haruka kissed her ear. After a moment of hesitation, his hand slid down from Makoto’s chest and pressed into her lower belly lightly. Her flesh tingled at the touch and for a moment she couldn’t breathe. 

Haruka pulled away from Makoto slightly, looking her in the eye before slipping his gaze down to where his hand was pressed and then back up to her face again. Inhaling deeply, Makoto nodded and Haruka’s hand inched down into her pubic hair. Fingers circled around her shaft and Haruka tugged. 

The first touch had her releasing a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. It felt good having Haruka’s hands on her. Truth be told, she had been worried it would freak her out and somehow wouldn’t feel good, but it did and that was a relief. Haruka’s motions were inexperienced and awkward, stroking her at an agonizingly slow pace. It felt good enough to make Makoto’s toes curl and she reached around Haruka to grab his ass and give an encouraging squeeze. 

Suddenly Haruka’s hand was gone and he was climbing off of her and then the bed entirely. After a confused moment of staring up at the ceiling, a still very aroused Makoto sat up and looked at Haruka. He was standing a ways away from the bed, pointedly not looking at her, and pressing the back of his hand to his mouth in a way he only did when he was really upset. 

Somehow, Haruka was legitimately freaked out. 

Makoto wondered why for an alarming moment before she suddenly understood and her chest tightened. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her. This was Haruka, she reminded herself. The same Haruka who pulled away, wrinkled his nose, and said “No” the one time Makoto tried to deepen a kiss; the man who refused to sleep in the same bed as her because Makoto cuddled in her sleep and he didn’t like the unexpected touching; Haruka who had not once brought up the subject of sex the entire time they had been together. How had she never put it together before then? 

“Haru,” Makoto said slowly, sliding to sit at the end of the bed and throwing the sheet over her hips, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Haruka pressed his hand to his mouth a little harder, still refusing to meet her eyes. 

Makoto’s gaze softened, “I don’t want to if you don’t, Haru-chan. You’re allowed to say no.” 

Haruka dropped his hand to clench it at his side, “I want to.” His voice came out clipped and shaky. 

“No,” Makoto said, smiling in reassurance but voice hard, “You don’t. It’s OK.” She bent down to where their clothes lay discarded by the hamper and picked up Haruka’s jammers. She stood and walked over to him, pressing the fabric into his hand. 

Haruka’s lips were drawn in a persistent straight line as he took the item and pulled them on. Makoto slipped her dress on over bare skin. She was still half hard and sensitive enough to shiver slightly at the feel of the cool fabric but she ignored it. The feeling would fade quickly. At this point she wasn’t capable of maintaining an erection in even the most dire of situations. Both the blessing and curse of hormones. 

Once both their bodies were properly covered, the two relocated to the kitchen where Makoto made tea. Haruka stood taciturn and stiff beside Makoto at the stove. She smiled and bumped shoulders with him lightly. He hesitantly dropped his head onto her shoulder. A moment later, the kettle started whistling and Haruka quickly pulled away and made a hasty escape to the table. Makoto prepared the tea and carried the two mugs over. She handed one to Haruka and sat down opposite him. 

Makoto blew lightly on the hot liquid and took a sip. They needed to talk about this but there wasn’t any hurry to speak; they had all night. She was content to watch the man across from her sort through the words in his head a while longer. He had never been good at expressing things verbally but this felt like a time where he really needed to. 

Haruka dropped a hand down, palm up, in the center of the table. Makoto understood immediately and reached forward to string their fingers together. It warmed her heart when he squeezed her hand tightly. It also hurt a bit but that was fine. Finally, he seemed to calm down. The silence between them was comfortable. 

“I thought I could,” Haruka finally admitted. Makoto realized then that he had been just as surprised as she had by his reaction to the simple touch. 

Makoto set down her mug and reached her other hand out to grasp his as well and leaned forward. “I’m sorry, Haruka,” she said, “We should have talked about it more before trying. I had some things I was worried about, too.” 

“You said you were sure.” Haruka looked almost alarmed. 

Makoto squeezed his hand, “I was. I also knew you would stop if I ever wasn’t.”

The two stared at one another. Eventually Haruka blurted out, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Makoto wanted to simultaneously cringe at Haruka’s poor choice in wording and burst out into tears at the sentiment. It was a surreal moment. “I know,” she said, “I didn’t doubt you.” Makoto'd been the one to upset Haruka and yet he was the one making sure her feelings hadn't been hurt by his discomfort. It was sweet but also sort of upsetting. 

Haruka’s brows drew together and he looked down at their joined hands, “Touching you is OK.” He bit his lip. 

“Just not me touching you,” Makoto supplied helpfully. 

“Not like that,” Haruka conceded. He rubbed absently at the spot Makoto had bitten him on the shoulder. 

A timid smile crept onto Makoto’s face, “Sorry about that.” Haruka shook his head. 

Makoto stood and moved around the table to sit beside him. She leaned in close and pressed a kiss to Haruka’s cheek. he rolled his shoulders a bit in response and leaned toward her slightly. Makoto lifted their still linked hands and smiled a little brighter, “Touching like this is OK, though, right?” 

Haruka ducked his head, ears pink, and murmured a barely audible, “Yes.”

Makoto’s smile turned into an all-out grin and she shifted so she could wrap her arms around his waist, pulling him close and resting her chin ahainst the side of his head. Again, she asked, “And like this?”

Haruka’s arms surrounded Makoto and squeezed gently. “Of course,” he mumbled into her shoulder. 

Makoto beamed, giving a pleased little sound from the back of her throat, “That’s all I need, then. We can sort out the rest some other time. At our own pace.” 

Haruka lifted his head and pressed a lingering kiss to the corner of Makoto’s mouth. She gave a breathy, pathetically giddy little giggle. 

“I know. I love you, too,” she said.

**Author's Note:**

> This was more or less a sort of study of their relationship and their boundaries. How a couple interacts in sexual situations says a lot about a relationship and the people in that relationship. It's interesting character study sometimes. So much of our culture and expected behavior surrounds sex, after all. 
> 
> To be honest, I had planned to write one or two events that happened before this, like how they got together and coming out ect, but finished this first and realized I was so busy I wouldn't be getting much more done any time soon. Especially since some of what I'd planned was much longer. I do love this universe and want to write more but it is just not going to happen any time soon.


End file.
